


The Rachel Martinez Show! (Intro)

by Duy03



Category: Gintama, Gravity Falls, The Eric Andre Show, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Other, Parody, Waiting For Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26279785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duy03/pseuds/Duy03
Summary: The Rachel Martinez Show is a parody of The Eric Andre Show, which was hosted by the Martinez Twins and featuring wacky shenanigans and your favorite characters from various cartoon/anime as guest stars.
Kudos: 1





	The Rachel Martinez Show! (Intro)

**Author's Note:**

> This draft is far from finished, so feel free to suggest which characters should I put in and what other skits can I do. (This is also my first post here, so be nice to me if I made some errors here and there.
> 
> *<+># is a placeholder for a cartoon/anime character’s name because I’ve yet to figure out which one would fit.

#  **Stage setup:**

  * Red armchair at the left
  * Show host desk and revolving chair at the right
  * Wooden flooring for the whole stage, with the exception of green carpet under the desk
  * At the background is a wall with the logo of the show



#  **Characters:**

  * Rachel Martinez: Host of the show, dangerously enthusiastic and happy-go-lucky.


  * A black bob cut, yellow tie and turquoise suit (this can change depending on the circumstances)
  * Voice and tone often relies on the circumstance
  * Often make dramatic circumstances and faces


  * Roger Martinez: Co-host of the show, passive and cryptically mysterious, the voice of reason.


  * A black scruffy hairdo, rectangular glasses, short-sleeved beige shirt, dark brown vest and trousers with a light shade of gray
  * Voice and tone are often flat, almost monotonic
  * Not many emotions are conveyed, rather blank and inscrutable



#  **Intro:**

_ [First shot begins at the stage of the show] _

**FEMALE ANNOUNCER:** Ladies and gentlemen, IT’S THE RACHEL MARTINEZ SHOW!  _ (the show’s name, “THE RACHEL MARTINEZ SHOW” appears on screen) _

_ [Rachel runs into the shot from the right, screaming loudly. She runs towards the talk show desk then jumps on her desk and crashes headfirst into her talk show logo. As she fell down with her now broken logo, she broke a large hole in the stage’s wall.] _

_ [Cut to a shot of the band playing upbeat jazz music.] _

_ [Cut back to Rachel emerging from a pile of broken planks and rubble and run out of the hole. She screams again, then jumps onto the armchair’s cushion and bounces into the direction of the band.] _

_ [Cut to a shot of the band with Rachel flying into the band’s drummer, crashing herself, the drummer and drums into the wall behind the band.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of the wall’s broken hole. The drummer is now lying under their broken drums and drywall. Rachel then emerges from behind the wall to the hole, with a drum now stuck in her head. She cries for help, but her screams are muffled by the drum.] _

**RACHEL:** _(muffled)_ I can’t see! I can’t see! Get this thing off of me!

_ [She continued screaming and running out of the hole, pushing the band members aside. They make way for Rachel to run out of the shot while continuing to play music. At the left, before cutting to a different shot, crewmembers of the show are seen placing a new drum set quickly at the previous drum set position] _

#  **Separately filmed skits: While the stage is being destroyed**

##  Set destruction cont. (vers.1)

_ [Cut to Rachel screaming and running towards the destroyed armchair. She then stuck both her arms in the cushion’s ripped hole and took out a sledgehammer.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of the desk, and Rachel screaming while smashing it. After the desk is reduced to planks and scraps of wood, Rachel then ran screaming towards the columns behind the set.] _

_ [Cut to a shot following Rachel screaming and destroying the columns and what remains of the wall and set’s background.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of Rachel eating the sledgehammer loudly, starting with the head.] _

##  Set destruction cont. (vers.2)

_ [Cut to Rachel holding her 2 index fingers on her head like horns, while shuffling her legs to build up momentum. She’s seen bending her back as if she’s preparing to tackle something. She huffs and puffs air out of her nostrils.] _

_ [Cut to Rachel aiming to tackle her desk from across the stage.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of the desk, then a red cape appears waving in front of it. The shot is then zoomed out, revealing <+> wearing a matador outfit, waving the red cape to taunt Rachel into tackling them. Rachel then tackles <+> into the desk, breaking it.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of the broken desk. Emerging from the planks of wood, <+> is seen riding Rachel.] _

**RACHEL:** Yee-haw!

_ [They both then ride around rodeo style and crash the armchair, then the background columns and wall. During this sequence, Rachel makes buffalo sounds.] _

#  **Separately filmed skits: After the stage is destroyed**

##  Comedian

_ [Cut to a shot of Rachel in a banana suit holding a red balloon. She giggles hysterically as she leaned her back with her arms wide into a white wall with brick texture set in the middle of the disheveled stage with the wall’s bottom out of shot.] _

_ [Several crew members pin her to the wall and duct tape her to it, while several others splash various colors of paint onto her body. Afterward, a makeup artist quickly put clown makeup on Rachel’s face and gave her a rainbow wig.] _

**RACHEL:** _(screams hysterically)_ Am I funny now, 2019 art society?!

_ [The shot cuts back to the wall with Rachel taped on it, revealing a giant shredder at the bottom. As the shredder begins reducing the wall to debris, Rachel screams in horror as she struggles to break free.] _

##  Cult of Potatoes

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage, with Rachel kneeling in darkness, with a summoning circle illuminated by lit candles arranged in a circle. Rachel is seen wearing a glossy brown robe with yellow patterns at the sleeves and edges. She is kneeling while facing up with her eyes closed, her 2 arms loosened, right hand holding a cutting knife and left hand holding a fork.] _

**RACHEL:** _(gravelly voice)_ Bring forth the sacrifice!

_ [Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura are seen in plain robes made of gunny sacks sewn together, face half-covered by the robe. brings up a plate with a baked potato served on top. They then place it in the center of the circle and proceed to use their knives to stab the potato rapidly while uttering an incomprehensible chant.] _

_ [Cut to a shot of Rachel grabbing some of the potato starch flying out from stabs, and use it to draw some symbols on her face and eating the excess.] _

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of Shinpachi, with the chanting still in the background. He is now replaced with a neatly folded gunny-sack robe and a pair of glasses slightly stained by potato starch.] _

**SHINPACHI:** _(rants)_ Why did we ever have the need to waste a baked potato like this? And why am I glasses again? This gag should have ended with the _Gintama_ series!

##  Neverending Stage

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage, with Rachel screaming and running into the stage from the left to the right. As she runs out of shot at the right side, she then immediately runs back into the shot from the left. She then stops and pants] _

**RACHEL:** _(shouting)_ Why am I keep getting back here?!! I wanna leave!

Now!  _ (jumps and cracks the floor) _ Now!  _ (jumps and crack it even further) _

Now!  _ (jumps and forms a crater in the floor, while debris are falling on top of her) _

Now- _ (yelps in surprise as she falls half-way through the floor. Just as she falls through, 2 legs appear from the top of the shot, with additional debris and planks of wood falling down. Rachel struggles to exit from the hole to no prevail, only to look up in horror to see her own legs wiggling as she’s wiggling) _

##  Race of Music

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage, with the end of a race track centered. Rachel is seen wearing a blue wig, a white blouse, and white baggy trousers, riding a toy car to the finish line.] _

**FEMALE ANNOUNCER:** And the winner is Billie Eilish!

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of Rachel sloppily chugging down an entire ink jar.] _

_ [Cut back to the finish line shot, where other racers have caught up to Rachel, startling her as she hastily makes way for them. The other racers and vehicles are as follows: _

  * _A black parade float with a rock band consisting of <+>1, <+>2 and <+>3, (could add more people if needed) wearing formal black parading uniforms_


  * <+>4 playing a great piano


  * <+>5 as a gargoyle riding a coffin wrapped by ropes


  * A colorful camper van with <+>6 as a Bollywood dancer who stands on top of the van and is wearing frilly clothes



_ The race ended abruptly as the racers rushed to the finish line.] _

##  Garbage Dweller

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage filmed on a handheld camera in night vision mode. The filmer, <+> _ _ 7 _ _ , is holding a camera, approaching a lonely metal garbage bin centered in the middle of darkness.] _

**< +>** **7** **:** _(whispers)_ She’s here again.

_ [As <+> _ _ 7 _ _ approaches closer to the garbage bin, their camera focuses more on the bin and gets slightly shakier, accompanied by heavy breathing. The focused shot reveals a figure with their torso deep in the bin, rummaging through it with legs and hip dangled at the rim.] _

**< +>** **7** **:** _(anxiously whispers)_ I’m so scared, man! She kept doing this, I don’t know what to do when she does-

_ [The mysterious figure then raises their legs to delve deeper into the bin, only to make it fall over, startling <+> _ _ 7 _ _ and the camera. The figure is revealed to be Rachel, emerging from the spilled garbage and taking her head out of the bin. Afterward, she turns her head slowly to <+> _ _ 7 _ _ , her eyes glowing and her stance likewise to an animal.] _

**< +>** **7** **:** _(nearly breathless, stunned with horror)_ Oh no…

_ [Rachel then (runs?) to <+> _ _ 7 _ _ on all four. The camera then turns away from the bin, shaking vigorously as it’s shown moving towards the stage borders.] _

**< +>** **7** **:** _(running in fear)_ Oh No OH NO NO NO AHHH- _(The camera then turns around to Rachel as she pounces on <+>_ _7_ _, but before they finish screaming and before Rachel gets them, the footage cuts abruptly.)_

##  Chilli Tub

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage, with a used hot tub that’s filled with chili. On the left side of the tub, <+> _ _ 8 _ _ is stirring and seasoning the chili with pepper grinder with the occasional coriander sprinkling. At the center of the tub is Rachel, who is almost completely submerged in the chili, but her head and bare shoulders are protruding. She’s seen using a scooper to scoop up heaps of chili and eat it messily, having chili sauce staining her face and hand. As she eats, chili spills from the tub and onto the stage floor.] _

_ [Shot pans to the right, revealing Mineta _ _ standing next to the tub, looking at Rachel with “misplaced vague intrigue”.] _

**MINETA:** Are you wearing any clothes in there? It’s chili, you know.

**RACHEL:** _(looks up at Mineta_ _from the scooped chili heap)_ Who knows? Anyway, have some chili.

_ [As Rachel finishes talking, she nonchalantly tosses the chili heap with her scooper into Mineta _ _. The chili heap got into hi _ _ s face, stunning <+> _ _ 8 _ _ to stop preparing the chili, while looking at Mineta _ _ running and screaming from eye sting due to the chili.] _

**RACHEL:** _(Panicking)_ Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I was aiming at your face!

**MINETA:** _(Still screaming and running while wiping off the chili)_ THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE YOU GOT ME!

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of Rachel, staring at Mineta _ _ with guilt while awkwardly and slowly sink into the chili tub.] _

#  **Epilogue of destruction**

_ [Cut to a shot of the ruined stage, with an exhausted Rachel throwing a punctured drum out of the stage, and plops down on the office chair gasping for air. As she lies on her chair, the upbeat jazz music ends and the stage was quickly restored to its original look as follows: _

  * _All broken debris, wood scraps, and various pieces from the previous set are quickly swept off by the crew._


  * The ruined carpet is rolled up and replaced by a new carpet identical to the previous one when it’s not destroyed


  * After the debris clean-up, the crew placed in a red armchair, columns and walls, new in quality but identical to the previous ones in colors and shapes


  * A desk was brought in and placed in front of Rachel. She moves her chair to make space for the desk, and then moves back in once the desk was in place]



##  Roger Martinez’s entry (vers.1)

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of the armchair. Behind it, a multiversal rift opened on the background wall. From the starry space void of the rift, out came Roger. After he stepped into the stage, he sealed the rift with his rake, placed the rake behind the armchair, and proceeded to silently sit on the armchair.] _

_ [As he sits down, his name appears on screen.] _

##  Roger Martinez’s entry (vers.2)

_ [Cut to a prolonged close up shot of the armchair. After a few seconds of silence, the footage is then interrupted by static and a creepy VHS footage as follows:] _

| 

_Visual_

| 

_Audio_  
  
---|---|---  
  
_General effects_

| 

_Each footage segment is transitioned by static and the occasional color-faded short footage segments from other cartoons and anime (with the exception of segment #4). This is to show that the creepy video was filmed on a reused and worn-out VHS tape, which made the color fade to almost black and white._

| 

_Audio plays distorted/worn-out versions of cartoon/anime intro theme songs, with incoherent dialogue from those particular series, showing that the following overwrites a used VHS tape._

_The audio throughout the creepy video is at VHS quality, except for the final segment._  
  
_Segment#1_

| 

_Silhouettes of cartoon/anime male protagonists forming neat lines with white glowing pupils, standing under a gloomy sky_

| 

_Indistinguishable whispering_  
  
_Segment #2_

| 

_A surveillance room with monitors of various sizes, each displaying a cartoon eye that adjusts its iris non-stop. Below the monitors, at the control boards, is a silhouette of Roger slouching. Couple seconds before the segment ends, Roger glances at the camera head slanted with one eye visible._

| 

_Humming sounds of monitors_  
  
_Segment #3_

| 

_The phrase “Not Alone”_  
  
_Carved in the center of a chalkboard, surrounded by the phrase “Leave Me Alone” written in chalk repeatedly and in different fonts._

| 

_School bell ringing with screaming and running students_  
  
_Hayfield phases_  
  
_1) Tilled on a hayfield_

| 

_Wind with birds chirping_  
  
_2) Tilled on the same hayfield, now slowly engulfed by a sea of fire_

| 

_Wind with roaring fire and crows cawing_  
  
_3) Glowing from an ember in the charred ground of where the aforementioned hayfield was_

| 

_The wind died down, crows caw and a low crackling_  
  
_4) Formed by white silhouettes of cartoon/anime male protagonists lying on the aforementioned charred ground_

| 

_Faint, indistinguishable chanting_  
  
_Segment#4_

| 

_The phrase “Everywhere for You”_  
  
_Primary footage_

_Appeared on screen as an artifact flickering while overlapping footage of various male characters (could add more) filmed from a hidden corner in their room. Periodically, the footage shows them disheveled, annoyed, cowering, paranoid, and seen yelling at the hidden camera._

| 

_Indistinguishable dialogue due to static rising in pitch, but the screams are audible during the footage montage of cartoon/anime male protagonists_  
  
_Interception_

_Scratched on a wall, gradually surrounded by tallies while periodically interrupting the aforementioned camera footage._

| 

_Screech-like static suddenly rises in volume every time this interception occurs with more tallies._  
  
_Interception (final phase)_

_Scratched on a wall, surrounded and almost completely engulfed in tallies. Then for a few seconds, the shot turned negative._

| 

_Static suddenly turns into a low pitched “No-Signal Beep” when the shot turned to negative._  
  
_Segment #5_

| 

_Fading in from static transition, revealing the final segment._

| 

_Static slowly fade to the crackling sound of a retro TV._  
  
_Male characters crouching down, climbing over each other so that their bodies are hidden in the dark background. They all stare at the camera, their faces pale and lifeless. All of their pupils still remain the same color (with the exception of dark pupils replaced by a brighter tone), but their sclera is black._  
  
_There was a slight pause for the segment to clear up static. When the initial static is cleared off, a character is seen saying “Please leave me alone”, but his mouth is glitched. Several other characters also start chanting the phrase, but their mouths are also glitched. Gradually, all characters begin to say this phrase, all mouths are glitched when moving._

| 

_A male character begins whispering “Please leave me alone”, starting the chain for other characters to also whisper the aforementioned phrase._

  


_The speaking pace is slow but slowly picks up as the whisper turns to overlap each other._

  


_Slowly, whispers raise the volume and become soft chants._  
  
_Then they all screech “Please leave me alone” and the shot shakes vigorously, causing artifacts._

| 

_The soft chants suddenly raised in volume and pitch, turned into a group screech of varying tone and pitches corresponding to the number of people in the shot._  
  
_The shaking shot is then put through a kaleidoscopic filter, but each triangular segment of the scope is a different version of the group shot with a different set of male characters doing the exact same pose. The filtered shot then gets zoomed in and gets more artifacts._

| 

_The group screech then gets composed of more voices and pitches as the shot is put through the filter. The screeching’s volume is amplified, then seamlessly fades to high-pitched feedback of a broken megaphone._  
  
_ [The VHS footage abruptly cuts back to the armchair, now has Roger sitting in it silently and comfortably. His name is displayed on the screen.] _

##  Rachel’s Monologue (Vers.1):

_ [Cut to Rachel sitting in her office chair, turning to the right to talk to Roger.] _

**RACHEL:** _(Enthusiastic but raspy, as she was recovering her breath)_ How’s that for an intro, my inscrutable bro?

_ [Cut to Roger, looking at her blankly.] _

**ROGER:** _(Somewhat flat tone)_ You’re obviously the inscrutable one.

_ [Cut back to Rachel, slowly glance away from Roger and look towards the audience camera while turning her chair back into the desk.] _

_ [Cut back to Roger, now holding a cup with lid and straw.] _

**ROGER:** Oh, and also…  _ (sips the straw) _ Shouldn’t you be doing some sort of monologue now?

**RACHEL:** Oh, yeah! I forgot!  _ (She quickly stands up from the office chair and runs out of the desk, and continues her line from there.) _ I was so busy gasping for air that I forgot!

_ [Cut to the front shot of the stage, with Rachel speed walking to the front of her desk. Upbeat jazz music plays as she speeds walks to the front spot. A microphone stand slides into the shot from the right, and Rachel grabs it to prevent it from falling over as she goes to the designated spot for her monologue.] _

_ [Cut to a shot of the band director signaling for the band to stop playing.] _

**RACHEL:** Good morning, afternoon, or evening, folks, and welcome to the Rachel Martinez Show! Y-You’ve...  _ (stutters with pauses in between, then hums) _

_ [Cut to Roger who just finished his drink. He then tucks the straw into the lid, holds the top and bottom of the cup, and crushes the cup into a neat and compacted shape. He stares at the cup for a brief moment and proceeds to take a bite out of the crushed cup. Rachel’s humming can be heard faintly in the background.] _

_ [Cut back to an awkward Rachel looking around, still trying to think of something to say.] _

**RACHEL:** _(hums for a while then turn to Roger)_ So… What do I do now?

_ [Cut back to Roger, now dusting off the flakes of his cup.] _

**ROGER:** _(dusting off most of the flakes then speak)_ This show’s your idea, say something-

_ [Cuts back to Rachel as she speaks and interrupts Roger’s line.] _

**RACHEL:** _(turning back to the audience)_ Oh right, of course! Umm… Today’s someone's birthday, right? Ha-Happy birthday?

**ROGER:** _(off-screen)_ Do you need help up there?

**RACHEL:** _(Replying to Roger immediately)_ Shut up, I got this. It’s coming to me now. Erm… _(mumbles)_ What visual joke should I do?

_ [Cut to a close-up shot of Rachel’s left hand, which spontaneously dribbles mayonnaise from the palm.] _

**RACHEL:** _(staring at her hand, dumbfounded)_ Uhh… why is this…?

_ [Cut to a shot of the mayonnaise stream, slowly panning down to reveal a bowl of salad. The shot then zooms out to reveal Hijikata holding the bowl and eating from it while still keeping it under the mayo stream.] _

_ [Cut to a shot of the desk, now with Gompers on it. Gomper bleats, then the shot freezes to a higher contrast with the phrase “Intermission Time” at the bottom followed by a jaunty tune, cue the end of the intro.] _


End file.
